The show must go on

wicked...

2007-07-20T05:25:16Z

I couldn't be happier...
No, I couldn't be happier
Though it is, I admit
The tiniest bit
Unlike I anticipated
But I couldn't be happier
Simply couldn't be happier
Well - not "simply":
'Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still -
With this perfect finale
The cheers and ballyhoo
Who
Wouldn't be happier?
So I couldn't be happier
Because happy is what happens
When all your dreams come true
Well, isn't it?
Happy is what happens
When your dreams come true!

patito86 @ 2007-06-25T00:03:00

2007-06-25T05:14:58Z

many things to look forward to!

July 1st- shoe shopping!!
i told myself not to spend any money for the month of june, except for necessities (groceries, bus money, etc). today is june 25th and come the first of july, it will be shoe shopping time. yessss

July 11th- Harry Potter 5 movie!
I also told myself to finish reading HaPo5 by the time the movie comes out, which is also soon! only problem is i'm reading it in spanish...its taking a little longer than i would like.

July 21st- Harry Potter 7 book comes out!

I'll be back in WB for the first time since April. I rarely go back there now. It will be nice to see the rents, Charlie, and hopefully some friends and 5gether love as well.

I'm dating a nice boy...and looking forward to seeing him more often when school starts again. finally, a nice boy.

patito86 @ 2007-05-31T18:34:00

2007-05-31T23:42:35Z

i am so lucky...!

and so happy!

patito86 @ 2007-04-15T11:39:00

2007-04-15T15:51:31Z

i havent updated since my new years post. so its been 4 months and my life seems to be headed in a direction i never thought it would. interning this summer at a major corporation- i'm not a failure! new friendships/relationships...losing touch with old friends, and feeling too scared to call them up to say hi just because its been too long. i feel that for the last 4 months i've just been going through the motions, without any sense of feeling/emotion, not taking in anything thats been going on around me. maybe i'm getting old? i still long for past memories, past friends, and i cant get my head to focus in the present.

i feel like i've been in one place for too long. i'm excited to be in Chicago this summer- it will be refreshing. i want to plan a 2-3 week trip to Argentina next December. shirly and I talked about backpacking across the country because I really havent seen anything except the major cities. I asked matt to come along, i think it would be so fun.

i feel so ready to be done with school but i'm scared to move on. i've been a student all my life...whats next?

patito86 @ 2007-01-08T17:07:00

2007-01-08T22:12:10Z

some New Year resolutions:

1. practice a minimum of 3 hrs/day
2. get a 4.0 gpa
3. exercise at least twice a week
4. eat healthy- more protein and veggies
5. keep in touch with family
6. keep room clean and organized
7. go to bed by midnight on school nights
8. read 1 book/month
9. gossip less (at least talk less; listening is ok...)
10. don't take no shit from nobody!
11. stay optimistic and be happy!

Evan wanted me to add in:
12. Limit "huh" usage to 10 times a day and progressively eliminate it.

but i didn't think i really said "huh" that often...and I'm not sure i could just get rid of it...!

Huh...

patito86 @ 2006-10-31T01:20:00

2006-10-31T06:25:07Z

There are so many people in my life that i admire, so many friends that i really look up to. It's hard to stay focused and sane when life becomes stressful and school bogs you down. You wouldnt imagine what some of these people deal with from day to day. They truely amaze me.

twinkie

2006-09-19T01:58:36Z

my roommate Matt explained it to me like this (while intoxicated):

Right now, all the boys you meet/date are fudge rounds. and theres nothing really wrong with a fudge round, they're okay. but one day a twinkie is going to come along and even though you may not know its a twinkie, you'll think, huh..somethings different about this one. and you'll know its not a fudge round. then you'll realize, hey! i really like twinkie.

so i'm looking out for my twinkie.

patito86 @ 2006-08-26T23:05:00

2006-08-27T03:08:35Z

i have the greatest family in the world. i love love LOVE them and i wouldnt trade them for anything in the world. i just wish i could have made more of this summer and changed some things....but i suppose its never too late.

i'm excited for another new school year!

patito86 @ 2006-07-14T21:16:00

2006-07-15T01:26:02Z

being back in west bloomfield for so long makes me feel so ambitious. it makes me want to work harder and do more with my life. what i have now just isnt good enough. i need more. i want to get away again. i have big dreams for the future and i want to face new challenges. ive achieved so much already...and i've made some really great friends along the way. and as much as i long for the friendships i had 2 years ago, we're growing older and moving on to new and different things. i was recently told to let go of all of that because it can never be the same. damn nostalgia.

i need to work harder. i need to push myself more. i need to be an overachiever. otherwise, whats the point?

patito86 @ 2006-07-01T01:50:00

2006-07-01T05:51:18Z

"The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself."

[sex and the city]

patito86 @ 2006-06-22T20:22:00

2006-06-23T00:24:05Z

"Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along"

end of the semester entry:

2006-04-22T23:19:56Z

-i passed my sophomore hearing! which means i've been approved to be a music performance major. i'm definitely relieved about that but i have still have so much work to do. i need to fix my low register! like asap. if anybody wants to help or give me ideas/suggestions on how to work on low stuff...yeah, it'd be greatly appreciated.

-have given up on meaningful relationships, whether it be romantic or platonic; have given up on having any sort of social life typical of a college student

-still waiting for something to click/make sense in my life; thought it was music for a while but have had doubts again

-have made significant changes in my attitude/behavior in general; not sure if i'm happy with these changes yet

-still trying to become the person i've always wanted to be

overall, it's been a good semester. life is just moving too fast. i cant keep up!

yeah music history messed this one up.

2006-04-04T03:56:06Z

Put your music library on shuffle and answer the questions with songs in the order they come up. It doesn't really make sense at times, but some answers you come up with will freak you out.

1. What's my mood like right now?
warning sign- coldplay

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me?
gotta love it- aerosmith

3. What kind of person am I?
leonin motet, gregorian chant of some sort, lol

4. Am I loved?
20 de enero- la oreja de van gogh

5. How can I achieve my highest potential?
euridice: orfeo

6. What should I do with my life?
amazing journey- the who

7. What is my theme song?
harpsichord concerto- J.C. Bach...i actually kinda like this one

8. What is my best quality?
symphony no. 3 in Eb major- Beethoven

9. What does my sex life look like?
i'll fly away- kanye west

10. What's the meaning of life?
some pergolesi song

11. How do people see me?
vestido azul- la oreja de van gogh

12. Would I make a good catch?
mass for christmas day, gloria

13. How crazy am I?
win some, lose some- robbie williams

14. Will I have a good life in general?
string quartet, op. 76- haydn

16. Can Natalie Portman and I ever be more than friends?
una mujer- christina aguilera

17. What's going to happen to me this week?
automatic flowers- OLP

18. Where will I be in a year?
trio sonata- corelli

19. What is my biggest wish?
some michigan youth band song, the james dean song i think

20. What is the love of my life doing at this very moment?
kennst du das land- hugo wolf

21. How will I die?
recordar- chiquititas

22. What will happen after I die?
rose, liz- machaut

23. How do my friends feel about me?
don giovanni- mozart

patito86 @ 2006-03-31T22:01:00

2006-04-01T03:03:53Z

if anybody needs or knows someone who is looking for a place to live for the summer:

711 locust st.
we have 2 open rooms for the summer (may-aug1? i think)
price is negotiable.

contact me or my roommate emily!

patito86 @ 2006-03-25T12:54:00

2006-03-25T17:57:06Z

i barely have any free time as it is. i need to revamp my priorities and how i manage my time. no more social life, its back to hermit days till the end of the semester.

patito86 @ 2006-03-23T09:19:00

2006-03-23T14:32:48Z

is it possible to start over? i want to. but i dont think i can because nothing i do will change what i've done in the past. i want to have a new start, to forget everything from before, but i dont want to make the same mistakes again. i should be learning from these experiences and mistakes...but sometimes i'd rather just forget them and move on. i always wonder how much different my life would be had i made other choices. what if i had never come to western? what if i had never called joy for the first time that one day in middle school when irene told me to? i would be a completely different person. its just strange to think about.

today is one of the those days when i tell myself that i'm going to be different...or perhaps indifferent. but we'll see how long that lasts.

patito86 @ 2006-03-11T15:10:00

2006-03-11T20:14:31Z

i dont want to grow up. i dont want to get a real job. i'm not ready for that. i'm not ready for the real world...for the adult world. i want to stay in school. i'm so used to being a student, i'm scared to do anything else. but its all coming so fast! i've almost completed 2 years of college. where did the time go?? cant i go back? im scared! im not ready to grow up! sigh...

notice

2006-03-09T02:23:51Z

i think that people tend to assume that when other people are always cheery or optimistic, it is because they have a good/easy life. But this isnt necessarily true...at all. everybody has their problems and struggles; its just a matter of how we deal with them. some people allow their problems to consume every energy in their body and it brings them down. I choose not to let things get to me. i'd say i'm an optimistic person and generally always in a good mood. if not, its always really easy to get me into a good mood. but that doesnt mean that at the end of the day i have no problems of my own to face. because i do. every once in a while i am overwhelmed by it all and i break down. I think i am allowed to have my down days. when i'm having one of these days, please dont automatically assume its because of something you've done, because its not about you or anyone! sometimes it'd just be nice to have someone ask how everything is, truely, honestly, sincerely. but if youre just asking out of obligation, then dont ask. because sometimes i dont feel like sharing either. people dont like that i keep secrets, but i like to fight my own battles before telling anyone because i'd rather not have anyone get involved in my problems. if you really wanted to know what was going on with me, you could ask and i most likely would tell. its that simple. i am really easy to get along with, really. until you've abused that.

patito86 @ 2006-03-05T04:10:00

2006-03-05T09:12:30Z

so i was a ball of stress today. i apologize! i flipped out on a bunch of people today whom under normal circumstances i would not have. i am just exhausted. i need me time and i know that is going to be nearly impossible but i can try. so leave me alone. i am going back to hermit days.

patito86 @ 2006-02-23T21:41:00

2006-02-24T02:49:26Z

i wish somethings could be easier. i wish i could make decisions....and make the right ones. i dont know what i'm doing, i never know what i'm doing! i want to be one of those people who lives in the moment, but i always get caught up worrying about the future.

so i push people away. i make mistakes. but i dont ever mean to hurt anyone. dont apologize to me because i'm the one whos sorry.

patito86 @ 2006-02-08T00:46:00

2006-02-08T05:46:48Z

so i was casually making easy mac tonight while talking to emily, my roommate whom i never see! when all of the sudden, we smell burning. so i said "is that my easy mac burning?!" i opened the microwave to find my easy mac sizzling, almost to the point of flames! so i took my bowl of easy mac out of the microwave to find that i completely forgot to put water in it. wtf?! who does that?? well...i do. so our entire kitchen smells like burning and we had to fan it out to make sure the fire alarm didnt go off.

dumbest moment of the semester thus far.

entry repeat from 2003...

2006-02-07T22:31:15Z

"You day breaks, your mind aches
You find that all her words
of kindness linger on
When she no longer needs you.
She wakes up, she makes up
She takes her time and doesn't
feel she has to hurry
She no longer needs you

And in her eyes, you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years

You want her, you need her
And yet you don't believe her
When she says her love is dead
You think she needs you

You stay home, she goes out
She says that long ago she knew someone
but now he's gone
She doesn't need him
your day breaks, your mind aches
There will be times when all the things
she said will fill your head
You won't forget her"

i love/miss the beatles.

patito86 @ 2006-02-03T19:33:00

2006-02-04T00:50:38Z

okay, let me try to explain things a little bit better...

i have class mondays 8am-5pm, tues 8am-2pm, wed 8am-9pm, thurs 8am-2pm, fri 8am-3pm.

so its kinda of like high school all over again, except this time i dont get a break between classes or a break for lunch. i get an hour on wednesdays if i'm lucky. but thats between 13 hours of classes.

big deal right? i'm only taking 10 classes, i think thats 20 credits? maybe? anyways, i'm sure you non-music people can relate to a hectic schedule since you have to spend hours in libraries and what not studying. but wait a minute...so do we. on top of all the classes, we have to practice a minimum of 2hrs a day. MINIMUM. and thats lame- i aim for a minimum of 3hrs a day. then in the time i have left in the day, i do my homework for other classes, which includes, YES, papers and research.

so in the midst of a regular week, i have SAI activities going on plus 3 concerts and 2 dress rehearsals. oh, and a solo studio performance. needless to say, i didnt get very much sleep and I GOT SICK. not the best situation for a person who needs to use lots of air everyday.

so i guess you could say i was a little stressed this week. and lets see...what else...oh right. my ex calls me to tell me he's found "the one." i was so happy for him. then he yells at me an hour later for talking to another boy before him?? lame-o.

then yes. i have a secret. in fact, i have a few. it wasnt supposed to become this big of a deal but somehow it did. and now its like this huge secrecy deal that i dont know what to do with.

and he wants there to be an "us"
and i want it too...

but i'm scared.

i want to make the right move for once. i want to have better judgement of character. i want a normal situation with normal people! and i feel like ive finally found that normalcy but i'm sucking it into my fucked up life. and in the mean time, i'm hurting my friends. and thats the last thing i'd ever want! i like telling my friends my problems because i want them to feel included in my life and whats going on with me, just like i'd want them to do. but i'm not asking for pity. or sympathy. or even an easy way out of my messes. just someone to share my life with and give me that slap of reality when i need it. i guess this was one of those times.

patito86 @ 2006-01-30T01:15:00

2006-01-30T06:23:55Z

i think my whole perception of relationships is backwards. in fact, i think my perception of life in general is completely backwards.

my new years resolutions arent coming along the way i had planned....everything i do is so half-assed these days. i'm looking for some sort of mental break-through, for something to click, and for everything to start coming together. i dont know what i'm doing with my life right now and my biggest fear is that it has all been a waste. sometimes i wish i was closer to my family.

[edit] Did you know that Bambi was a male??? I always thought Bambi was a girl! so at dinner i decided that because of things like that and games like sonic, i became as fucked up as i am today.

patito86 @ 2006-01-16T22:31:00

2006-01-17T03:32:19Z

ladies nights are truely the greatest things ever. last night was SO MUCH FUN. hahaha, a fun-filled night of drinks, sex-talk, drunk dials, and flashing...hahahaha so fun!